National Indian Child Welfare Association Conference

In April, my friend, Marty Hintz, and I met in Anchorage to sell books and story knives at the NICWA conference. Marty makes traditional yaruin (Yup'ik storyknives). In this picture Marty's friend, Esther, is showing how she and her friends used to tell stories and illustrate them with their yaruin when she was a child. The knives were popular with conference participants who had used them as children, and others who bought them to use as talking circle objects. The storyknives were a good match for The Thursday Group, a story for healing. If you are interested in purchasing a beautiful yaruin, email Marty at martyhintz@gci.net or stop by YaYa's, her art gallery in Fairbanks, Alaska, behind Safeway.

Creating a Safe Place

A safe place is somewhere you can go to in your imagination when you are overwhelmed or scared, when you want to feel relaxed, or you can’t go to sleep. You may have an actual “safe place” that you can go to, like your tree house, your friend’s room, or the canoe you paddle on the lake. Or, it might be the dream of somewhere you hope to see someday: a warm sunny beach; a dark, quiet forest; or a rain storm on the desert. It can also be somewhere totally imaginative, like the purple fairy forest of your childhood imagination, or the deep blue of the ocean, swimming with a pod of whales.

Wherever your safe place is, think about all the sounds, all the smells, all the sights, all the things you can touch and taste, and burn them into your imagination. All of these will help to plant the picture firmly in your mind and help you to think of it quicker when you are feeling scared or down. Write a story or a poem about your safe place, or draw a picture of it. If you don’t feel very artistic, make a collage out of pictures you cut or rip out of magazines. This will also help you to think of your safe place more quickly when you need it.

Think about your safe place whenever you want to feel safe, secure, or calm.

12th Indian Nations Conference

About one thousand people gathered in Palm Springs, California last week for the 12^th National Indian Nations Conference: Justice for Victims of Crime sponsored by the Tribal Law and Policy Institute and the Office for Victims of Crimes. The theme of the conference was "Walking in Harmony: Honoring Victim Voices to Achieve Safety, Justice & Healing." I was honored and grateful to be included as one of the 175 presenters. Just being there in the presence of so many courageous and powerful victims/survivors of sexual abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence was amazing. All of the people attending and participating are dedicated to speaking and working for healing and change, helping people find justice and stay safe. Many spoke clearly and honestly about the terrible things that had happened to them.
My workshop addressed how to talk about a traumatic event in a grounded, healing way.  Telling our stories of abuse or other trauma is an important part of getting help, healing, and trying to prevent the same thing from happening to others. Unfortunately, telling about it can be difficult because it may bring back feelings from when the trauma happened. In my presentation I demonstrated ways to keep from getting sucked back into the memory. We practiced many of the things that the characters in The Thursday group practiced, such as using belly breathing, stomping, and the butterfly hug. 
My mother and my sister-in-law came with me to the conference, which was great. Mom sat at my book table. It was wonderful to hear from people how helpful the book has been in their communities, or how excited they were to be bringing it back to their workplace, or to a family member. My sister-in-law, Laurie, was sunning herself next the pool near a tribal judge who was reading The Thursday Group. She said she planned to order copies of the book to give to girls coming through her court. When Laurie mentioned that the publisher, NEARI press, gives a 40% discount for orders of 40 books or more, the judge said that they could easily use 40 of the books. A number of other participants also said that they would be placing bulk orders.  Kimber and I are soooo thrilled that more and more of the books are getting out into the hands of girls.

Kimber's November Presentations

If you live in Alaska, you may want to attend these training events:

November 13th, in Wasilla, Kimber will be presenting a day long workshop on Reactive Attachement Disorder for the Alaska Attachment and Bonding Associates. It is titled, Flirting with Disaster but Coming Out Ahead; Living and Loving with the RAD Child. http://www.akattachment.org/

November 19th, Kimber will speak at the Child Maltreatment Conference in Anchorage about Facilitating Groups for Children Who have been Sexually Abused.
http://www.akcmc10.com/

How Will I Know When I’ve Healed?

:Remember, healing doesn't happen all at once, like flipping a light switch. Gradually you will start noticing that more and more of the items on this list are true for you, more often than not. As you grow older, changes in your life may stir up the old memories from the abuse, but, because you have healed in so many ways, it will be easier for you to deal with old feelings, and to find support when you need it.

• You will be able to think and talk about the abuse
• You will be able to think and talk about things other than the abuse
• You will sleep pretty normally
• You’ll be able to concentrate in school
• You’ll feel comfortable being assertive, or standing up for yourself
• You’ll feel comfortable leaving your house
• You will experience joy
• You will be able to tolerate someone touching your shoulder or shaking your hand
• You will be able to bathe normally, without experiencing shame or thinking that you are “dirty”
• You will be interested in your future
• You will start conversations with others
• You will be able to handle someone criticizing you without feeling shame
• You will be able to tell the difference between supportive and non-supportive relationships
• You will choose supportive relationships
• You will be able to tolerate strong emotions in others and in yourself
• You will have a positive body image
• You will be able to relax without using drugs or alcohol
• You will look for fun things to do by yourself and with others
• You will care about and show concern for other people
• You will be able to remember recent and past events
• You will be able to express your anger in a healthy way
• You will feel confident that you have value
• You will laugh
• You will trust yourself
• You will have a healthy appetite and you will eat when you are hungry
• You will take care of yourself physically and emotionally
• You will be able to feel sad about things that are sad and it will have nothing to do with the abuse
  
• You will have a sense of your own personal space

• You will feel good about yourself

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Being a Tree

Imagining being a tree can help you feel your own power and strength. It will help you open to the support that is available around you like sunshine. You can do this anywhere: sitting or standing, inside or outdoors. Remember to keep breathing.

Imagine you are a tree. Take a deep belly breath and let it out slowly. Feel the warm sun on your branches, and a breeze gently ruffling your leaves. Breathe. Listen to the sounds of the birds. Take a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Notice your trunk at your center. It is a highway fro energy moving up and down between heaven and earth. Breathe. Reach your tree roots deep, deep into the earth. Breathe.

Sense the water and other nutrients that are available deep underground. Take a belly breath and let it out slowly. Allow the minerals and water from deep in the earth to flow up through your roots, up your trunk, and into to your branches and leaves. Breathe. Feel your leaves fluttering in the sunshine. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Enjoy the feeling of being a tree.

What happens if you don't tell?

Bad things have to be worked through in some way. If you feel like you can’t share the abuse with anyone, you can’t truly work through it, and it doesn’t get any better. When you try to hold the feelings about the abuse inside your body, they only leak out in anger problems, substance abuse, depression, nightmares, flashbacks, or illness.

As hard as it may be to ask for help, you deserve it! Keep asking for help until you find someone who believes you, values you, and helps you to heal.